What’s the difference between me and you?

Today on Facebook, I saw an image promoting a veggie pride parade, and I got tweaked. Not over there being a veggie pride parade. No, I started feeling pissy because I realized vegans have to organize into support groups because some meat eaters look down on them. Even a relatively simple choice of what to eat becomes a huge deal to people who this has nothing to do with.

That led me to thinking how many so-called sane and rational people can find the dumbest shit to judge others for. “Oh, yeah?” you snap. “Well what are you doing here, Zoe?” It’s probably a fair point on surface examination, but I’m not mad at y’all for your habits and hobbies. I’m not mad at meat eaters for liking meat, cause I loves me a good bacon cheeseburger. I don’t think horror fans worship the devil, cause I like a good scary book every now and then too. What pisses me right the fuck off is this constant whining about the habits and hobbies of others, like your life choices make you any more enlightened or smarter than the next person. I get pissed at the meat eaters for sneering at vegans, and I get pissed at the horror fans for sneering at the romance fans.

I honest to God saw someone on Twitter who snapped, “Readers of Cassandra Claire novels, you deserve everything that happens to you.” Well hey, bitch, you just convinced me to buy a Cassandra Claire book without even checking the blurb, because your petty fucking judgment of others makes me sick. If I hate the book too, I’m gonna rant in a review about why I hate it, but I AM NOT going to wish harm or bad karma on the readers giving it five stars. I’ll rant on why I hate it, and then I’m going to move on and get on with my life. You wishing bad karma of people who like her books is some goddamned sociopathic bullshit on your part, lady. And the part that makes it even more sick is, you act like you’re so much better a person because you aren’t “sick and twisted like those freaks.” You are the pot calling the kettle black, lady.

I’m sick and fucking tired of all the petty snark thrown at different people for NOTHING. I’m sick of sociopathic bastards eavesdropping on the conversations of others and bitching online to their friends about other peoples’ completely normal behavior. I’m sick of petty motherfuckers complaining about the couple next to them being romantic and making goo-goo eyes, like there’s something sick about being in love. If you get ill watching a young couple be all cutesy, then the problem is you, you sociopathic bastard. The problem is your inability to empathize with anyone else. You are the most important human being out of seven billion, and everyone else is just harshing your buzz.

Why race NEEDS to be discussed with our kids…

Those of you not following me on Twitter may think that Trayvon Martin’s murder doesn’t matter to me. But I’ve been retweeting links from other writers as the story plays out. I’ve watched in horror as white reporters ask blatantly racist questions to a grieving mother, as a white police chief erases the racism of the murderer to try and make a bullshit claim of self-defense, and as thousands of white people downplay this as “a black problem.” And I recall how right after Obama was elected, many of those same white folks declared that we were all over race, and clearly we don’t need to discuss it anymore.

But race is not a topic that can ever go away, because all it takes is not talking about it for a few years before white supremacy takes over again. And the sad fact is, whites don’t perceive granting equal rights to other races as equality, but rather as a loss of their position in the world. Enforcement of white supremacy is so important, white people will belittle every black issue and ignore reality whenever they can. So even though Trayvon was a good student with better grades than I ever had, his value as a person is limited by the color of his skin.

And to give you an idea about how fucked up some peoples’ priorities are, There’s mass outrage from white gamers over the ending of Mass Effect 3, which has resulted in Amazon issuing refunds for the game being “defective.” (Which is bullshit, but this is so not the right time for that rant.) So white gamers can generate rage over a game not ending well, but they can’t generate much give a shit for a child murdered by a documented racist and white supremacist, a man who had formerly assaulted a police officer, and who shouldn’t have been allowed to carry a gun, or to appoint himself as a vigilante of his neighborhood. But Zimmerman can do whatever he wants, because he’s white.

On fandom entitlement…

Before I get all ranty and/or rambly, I need to give a bit of personal history where you see where I’m coming from. Some of you know that I’ve just recently returned to console gaming after roughly a decade playing only PC games. I’ve never stopped being a gamer, but for a long time, I couldn’t afford to be a console gamer and still pay for book covers and other writing related services. Actually, I still can’t, but since I’ve scaled back my writing operations, the cost of consoles is now within my meager budget once again.

I’m a gamer in more than one sense. Before coming over to the Xbox360 and PS Vita, I’ve had an original Pong console, an NES, a SNES, three Game Boys, a Game Gear, and a Playstation. During my childhood, I sank a lot of tokens into arcade games, and I was always picking up new Tiger LCD games. In addition to these varied electronic diversions, I’ve been a role-play gamer and have played in many fantasy and sci-fi settings. I’ve been an ongoing fan of Magic cards, and briefly got caught up in the Pirates card game before they got stupid with the constant updates. I can even be talked into playing board games if there’s enough players around to make it fun. (I don’t care if the box says two can play. Two players for any board game usually makes it a “bored game”. Add just one more player, and the whole dynamic changes because “cutthroat” behavior begins popping up somewhere around the middle of the game.)

What I’m saying is, I’m not some neophyte approaching gaming for the first time. I’m just getting back in touch with my nerd roots, even if some of my roots are turning grey by now. So I hope other gamers will not take this as an outsider talking down to them, but as a fellow gamer expressing their opinion.

So, if you’re a gamer, you know that Bioware made a “polarizing ending” to Mass Effect 3. Fans would use other words, possibly something like “crap ending.” I went online to watch the various endings, and wow, that is some truly shitty shit right there. Even the good ending is shit. In a game where the player is given so many choices that affect the plot on a fundamental level, the lack of choices for the endings is disappointing people, and rightly so. But this wouldn’t be so bad if at least one ending didn’t foster an instant WTF reaction. But even the good ending is a major WTF for the sheer impossibility of it. So that lack of choice and the multiple lousy endings is like a one-two combo punch to fans.

I’ll agree with players that the endings suck. I also want to say that I think Bioware has failed to grasp why people were playing their games. When you come to the end of a game trilogy this expansive, you want to have some sense of accomplishment to counter your melancholy that it’s finally over. You want to beat the bad guys, get the girl, and ride off into the sunset. But without giving spoilers, most of the endings seem to be Bioware’s way of saying, “Fuck you for spending $200 on our series.” This sum is assuming you just played the games and didn’t buy all the DLC expansions, books, and the comics. If you shelled out dough for the extras, you’re out for a much higher sum to get this middle finger shoved in your face. On top of this, the Bioware executives are saying, “We HAD to finish the series this way, or you might forget about us.” What a crock of shit.

I haven’t spent a dime, and I’m already pissed at Bioware for this attitude. So I totally, 100% get fan anger over these lousy endings. What I cannot get behind is this push to change the game to suit the players. It’s one thing to say the ending sucks and that you won’t buy the next Bioware game, even if such a statement is unlikely to be true. (Lots of gamers say they won’t support a vendor, only to switch stances as soon as a new game has teaser screenshots come out. Gamers have the same resistive willpower as a pothead does against a batch of freshly baked brownies.) But to suggest that Bioware owes you a better ending is a level of fandom entitlement that sets my teeth on edge. (Assuming I’m wearing my dentures, of course.)

The fact is, Bioware doesn’t owe you a damn thing, aside from the product that you already voluntarily paid for. It’s not like you didn’t know this was coming, with the game script having been leaked ages ago. To suggest that they owe you some missed gaming pleasure is to suggest that all stories should only being emotionally satisfying, and that anything less should be changed to reflect the audience’s desire for maximum satisfaction. And really, why would any creative team cede that much control over to the audience?

As a writer, I certainly wouldn’t change the ending to any of my stories just because what I wrote upset readers. Sometimes, my whole point is to get under your skin and upset you. I frequently market this dark facet of my writing, so I’m not trying to trick you into thinking you’ll be reading Mary Poppins only to pull a bait and switch over to Amityville Horror. (Also, my intros are usually pretty blunt about what you’re walking into, so the endings shouldn’t be a surprise.)

I see some folks making a petition to change the ending, and they are saying on their site “We are not acting entitled.” Yes, you most certainly are, and frankly, it’s pathetic to watch, even if you did generate $28,000 for a children’s charity. That was a nice touch, but you coulda donated that money without attaching it to an entitled request that Bioware make a do-over to please you. Plus, it’s kinda scummy using sick kids as a shield for your cause.

Based on the fan reaction to the various Mass Effect 3 endings, I will not be buying any of the series. I see no reason to invest in a story when the conclusion is guaranteed to be unsatisfying. So in this regard, Bioware has cost themselves gamers like me who might have invested in the older games, bu now won’t because we know the company can’t be trusted to deliver a satisfactory ending. But then again, I’ve not seen anything from Bioware that got me excited enough to plunk down my money. My stance isn’t a boycott based on one game so much as my continuing “meh” reaction to the quality of writing in all Bioware games. For all the pretty graphics they spend millions to develop, it feels to me like Bioware hired a monkey to shit in a typewriter, and whatever dried shit flecks resembled words, that’s what they used.

In fact, it’s the shitty writing I see used in most games that makes me wonder how companies can continue to push the myth that the gaming market is maturing. It’s even more frustrating to watch the bubble that game executives live in, as in the assholes responsible for Skyrim gushing about the arrow to the knee line becoming an internet meme without acknowledging that the meme was criticism for their unimaginative and repetitive writing methods. And to some extent, because of this, I really do understand gamer rage over this lack of accountability. A game company releases a game to howls of outrage, and then can’t admit that they’ve released a dog. Or if they do, it’s long after play testing is done, as with the lousy bosses in Deus Ex: Human Evolution. The best we can hope for from some game companies is “Ooops, sorry about that.” And the worst we can get is, “Thanks for all the kind feedback! We’re glad you’re so vocal about our game!”

But you can’t go back and unfuck a lousy game just by changing a few lines of the script or the code. What fans are asking for is a major retooling of the game and the script, requiring new voice acting sessions as well. That’s a few million in salaries and studio fees to change the game to suit you, and you folks will expect that update to be free. Plainly put, there’s no incentive for the company to make that update for you. It’s better for them to move on and hope the next game will be received better by fans.

So, what can you do about this? Don’t buy Bioware’s next game. Put them out of business and teach everyone involved that it is not wise to burn fans with a shit ending to their trilogy. All those people who get fired will remember this as they move to new studios, and they’ll worry more about whether the story is as satisfying as the graphics.

This, obviously, won’t happen. Remember, gamers have little resistive willpower, so all it takes to break a boycott is a little mea culpa and a few new shiny screenshots of their next game. Voila, all is forgiven, and the company will continue to produce crap writing and call their lipstick-decorated pig a masterpiece. You can’t change this by demanding a do-over on past games, and you cannot punish a company without first giving up on their next titles. If you can’t resist Bioware’s next title, it isn’t their fault for giving you more of the same shit. They’re operating on the simple guidelines that if this shit sold well last time, it should sell well in a new game too. And they’re right, because gamers never give up on a company.

You want this shit to stop? Then close your wallets and don’t buy the next Bioware game, no matter how awesome and shiny it looks. Be sure to write to the company and make it clear that you are a past customers who is boycotting their next game for their past mistakes. Make them aware of their shortcomings in a civil manner. But don’t whine that you want a do-over. It’s no more likely to happen in gaming than Hollywood is likely to re-shoot the ending to a film due to poor audience reception. This kind of demand is a sign of massive egocentric entitlement, and nothing you say will change this fact. So if you can’t boycott Bioware’s next game, stop whining about the ending of Mass Effect 3 and get on with playing something else. Life is too short for you to waste breath talking to people who live in a bubble.

I don’t normally do writing advice…

“Every woman artist has to kill her own grandmother. She perches on our shoulder whispering, ‘Don’t embarrass the family’.”
~Erica Jong

You regular readers know I hate writing advice and writing rules lists. I think of them as make work for writers who’ve run out of interesting things to say and are instead trying to find something to offer out to cover their awkward silences. So you wouldn’t expect me to come up with a list of guidelines for writerly success. But today, I have some advice for women writers: do not be ashamed of your voice, and do not be afraid to say things in public that would offend your mother.

This runs counter to the advice of about a billion social media gurus, most of whom only have one book, and that’s a writing advice self-help book. All of these people have a non-fiction book, and they advise fiction authors about how to succeed, as if the methods of marketing in the neurotic world of self-help will work exactly the same in the world of fiction writing. They won’t, and if you’re a fiction writer, most of their advice will hamper your efforts, not help. But of all their lousy advice, their comments to women may be the most damaging and useless.

Lots of women social gurus will tell you “Don’t say anything on social media that you wouldn’t want your mother to read.” But let me pose a question to you: if you’re a romance or erotica writer, and your writing persona is a milquetoast presentation that would make mother so proud, what kind of image are you sending to your readers? “I baked cookies with dear hubby and read to my two dear sweet children, Nathaniel and Thadeus. Please, buy my book Whipping Princes Leia’s Cooter!”

Now if you’re selling Christian fiction and want to be seen as the female equivalent of Ned Flanders by readers, then okily-didyum-dokily, you go on and be a mealy mouthed good girl and make your momma proud. But if you’re a horror author whose last book contained gruesome and gory acts that made your mother queasy, then why would you want your writing persona to be so out of phase with your writing voice?

The Long, Slow Goodbye. (Or the meltdown resignation)

Four years ago, I started an experiment and self-published my first story through Lulu. It was full of typos and first-time mistakes, and ever since then I’ve strived to put together a better book. In those four years, I have reached the point where my self-published books were as good as the pro books, and in some cases, mine were even better. I made tables of contents for mine, and lots of pros didn’t bother. I revised my ebooks when I found mistakes, or when readers did, and the pros fire and forget every product, every time. I’m not saying they should go back and fix every little thing. I’m saying I worked harder than the pros would. I committed myself to give people the best product I could, even fixing stories long after they were released.

I was doing this for fun, but over time, I’ve invested more and more of my energy and money into convincing readers to check my stuff out. At times, my free downloads were doing so great, I assumed soon I would see lots of reviews. But other writers explained in their blog posts how people who read stuff for free don’t feel any obligation to lend support. Free readers have to be bribed to offer support. This went against everything I feel passionate about. I’m a vocal supporter of writers, but also of musicians and visual artists. I’m a vocal and passionate person, and I want to believe that deep down, everyone can be just as passionate if I could just find the right message to stir them to feel something.

But you know what? In four years, no one ever proved me right. I have some fans who are just as passionate, but those people are other writers. It’s not that my works fired their passion. They already had passion. They saw my drive and energy, and they wanted to help me achieve my goals. If I make nothing else clear in this TL;DR post, I want to make it clear how much I love and appreciate those communities of writers. Pro, semi-pro, or amateur, you folks are all right, and I never, NEVER want to resent you for having success.

That one crazy indie chick (y_-)

Today, I am feeling like splattered shit. I’m operating on two hours of sleep, and stomach problems will not allow me to get real rest. I’m also “enjoying” some MS-related joint pain, some vertigo, and a lovely visual hallucination similar to the stuff I saw while on shrooms in Amsterdam. So, if this post gets a bit weird, that’s the reason. (I only wish I had some drugs to blame this on, but sadly, I’m sober.)

Today, on Twitter, Facebook, and most book-related blogs, there are people saying, “have you heard about that crazy indie writer?” And, the thing is, most everybody already knows exactly which crazy writer is being referred to, a certain apparently unstable lady (no, more unstable than me, if you can imagine it) who went off on a two star review because the reviewer “didn’t download the right copy.” This, she said, is “abuse” by the reviewer. That’s the first post she makes in the comments. Through later multiple messages, said author grabs progressively bigger swords for the longest and most gruesome career hara kiri ever. Even as people are advising her to put down the blades, she keeps insisting that she has a right to lose it over the review.

I actually read the review completely, whereas I could not sit through the author’s tirades. It’s worse than a slow trainwreck, which I might feel obligated to stare at and wait for the crash. This is someone beating their face on a two-way mirror, and it’s simply too awful for me to watch.

And then? Or: Where the hell do I send this shit now?

If you follow publishing news, you know by now that Dorchester is doing some desperate things in an effort to bring in new revenues and staunch the loss of income due to poor print sales.

This is not really a time to crow, even if I never submitted to Dorchester or Leisure, its dark fiction imprint. I have read Leisure books, and thought the quality of the books (construction-wise, I mean) was good. So to hear that they’ve done poorly and are showing signs of closing, I’m not really a happy camper. That’s another source of entertainment threatening to go out of business. No, sir, I don’t like it.

Editor Don D’auria is leaving Leisure, as are most of the editing staff. This is not a good sign, when the dude who really was the mover behind Leisure is shown the door, quietly. I’ll echo the thoughts of professional writers in saying I’m sure Don will have no trouble finding a house to work with, or a list of writers willing to write on spec for him.

But this story is also revealing an ugly truth that the industry has still been in denial about, and that’s how drastically we need publishers to get with the times. We need them to abandon a lot of old business practices and streamline their operations for the modern world. You know, the one that developed after the printing press was invented.

NaNoWriMo, or, What? Me, worry?

In 2005, I entered NaNoWriMo, or National Novel Writing Month, a contest which could not be more inappropriately named if it tried. First off all, it’s an international event, making the very first word a lie. Publishers don’t call 50,000 words a novel, but a novella, and for the most part, anything produced in under a month by rank amateurs cannot be fairly called writing either. About the only part that is accurate is that this shit all goes down in one month

But hey, marketing is all about the name being memorable. NaNoWriMo rolls off the tongue well, where as IntNoWaMo, or International Novella Wankfest Month, just isn’t as catchy.

Thanks for the advice. Now move on!

I’ve just about stopped going to the blogs of certain writers and editors, not because their advice is bad, but more because they don’t talk about anything else, ever. They just find new ways to say the same things ad nauseum. A fitting choice of words, (even if one of them isn’t real) since I’m pretty much sick and tired of reading the same advice week in and week out.

With editors, I can understand why they end up harping on these same things so often. They see the same mistakes over and over, so they feel the need to reinforce the same message to any writers who may be reading their blog.

But you know what? Editors, after reading your backlog, there’s no reason to come back. You don’t talk about projects you’re editing that get you hot and bothered. You don’t point to examples of great dialogue that work for you. You don’t talk about yourselves, or your opinions on anything, EXCEPT for the intake process of your job. 90% of the time, you only write in negative terms.In short, you’re chronic whiners. And not the entertaining kind, either.