All Maid Up 14 and 15

Weather shifts today are sending me to the couch, so today’s update really will be a copy-pasta with links for the new episodes. I apologize for the sporadic updates, but this weather and my MS are beating me up very badly. As it is after I finish this, I’m going to go lay down again.

To recap, Ginger meets Kevin working as a replacement maid for his mother in episode one. In episode two, Ginger learns about Kevin’s bed reputation and decides they should be just friends. In episode three, Kevin tries to make good on his promise to be a friend by taking Ginger to the pool. Ginger meets Kevin’s sister Hannah, and one of Kevin’s cheerleader friends, Tonya. In episode four, Ginger molests a bear and breaks her arm. No, really. In episode five, Ginger’s best friends Aggie and Babs finally get wind of her coming out, and they demand a visit. In episode six, Ginger finds something that Kevin had been hiding from her.

In episode seven, Ginger attends her first day of high school with surprisingly little drama. But she and her friends are all still wary of the other shoe dropping. In episode eight, Ginger must start her first Gym class with an awkward introduction to her coaches and the other girls. And THEN the other shoe drops. In episode nine, Kevin swears there will be revenge for Ginger being attacked, and he makes good on his promise. In episode ten, Ginger and Kevin cut classes, and then Ginger returns to school to tryout for an extra-curricular activity. In episode eleven, Ginger’s new social status grants her access to the first party of the year. She just has to convince her parents first. Ginger attends her first party in episode twelve.

The party is still in full swing at the start of episode thirteen, but now party hostess Bunny has called for a round of party games, and Ginger gets roped in for a round of spin the bottle and seven in heaven by Bunny’s cousin, Mariah. But who would be willing to make out with her?

In episode fourteen, Ginger and Kevin are busted in a compromising position by Donna, even though they weren’t doing anything, and then in episode fifteen, Ginger agrees to babysit for a new client and discovers that babies are evil.

Sorry again for the funky updates. Anyway, I hope you’re enjoying the story, and unless Glitch steals my brain tomorrow, I’ll try to have a Saturday update. Anywho, I hope your weekend is better than mine, or Ginger’s.

Glitch in the plans…

Okay, so I found out about a new flash browser-based game called Glitch. I thought, What the hell, it will give me something to do now that I’m no longer on Facebook trying to be an attention whore. (This is not in any way intended to demean the fine tradition of attention whoring or diminish any individual professional or amateur attention whores. I’m not dismissing your noble whoring. I’m just choosing to work off of my blog and Twitter on a more exclusive basis. It’s like attention escorting, really.)

So, long story short, there is no episode for All Maid Up today. I’m very sorry, but my nerd roots have pulled me deep into this game, and I just don’t love you enough to pull away. Go play on the highway for spare change, or something.

Seriously, I do know what happens next, (Ginger takes her first and ONLY babysitting job.) but I’ve got to learn grilling, saucing, and smelting tonight, so you’ll have to wait for the text updates.

If you want to hunt me down in Glitch, just join and look for AccidentalAnnie. (I was feeling random when I chase my name, obviously.) If I have enough ingredients on me to cook, I’ll whip you up a nice meal, m’kay?

There will probably be an update tomorrow. But tonight is a no-go. And now I must go. The divine crepes await, and buttery scrambles don’t make themselves.

My absolute favorite updates…

Are new reviews, even if it’s for a free story, and Good Lesbian Books chose to review My Gay Sparkly Vampire Romance: A Twilight Parody. The reviewer is in the “hated Twilight camp,” and found lots to love in this book. Her only complaint is that the book had anything to do with with Twilight, and she thought I should rewrite this as a vampire story all its own without the Twilight references. And, if you gotta have a complaint about a parody, this is a good complaint to have. The reviewer also wrote to me on Twitter when I said, “Sorry you didn’t like the epilogue,” and she replied (sic):

heh – it was quite funny, actually, it was just a let down to go back to the Twilight stuff after the rest of the story took off

So, yay, the freebie Twilight parody wins another convert! I’d like to thank the reviewer for Good Lesbian Books, and I hope that she will find other books worth reviewing from my library.

The Life & Death of a Sex Doll and other writing updates

My publisher has sent me an email for my sale figures for June up to this month for print and ebook copies of The Life & Death of a Sex Doll. Print sales were flat, which should be no surprise to anyone at this point. I’ve never had a print audience, and print sales are so rare on all of my titles that I’m not exactly rushing to fill in my back catalog of e-titles with print editions.

Ebook sales total are 24 since the book was released at the end of June and I’ve sold 14 Kindle editions. For me, the numbers and the time frame to get those sales are both really good. But it’s not going to knock my publisher’s socks off. So, most likely I’ll need to start doing at least two or three ads a day on Twitter for it and hope for some more positive reviews to roll in and give me something to talk about. The book has had nothing but glowing reviews so far, but to get regular sci-fi readers into it, I guess I need a lot more reviews than I’ve got.

I know it annoys you that I ask, but if you read my stuff, I really would appreciate you taking the time to go to Amazon and leave a rating or a short review. Or, if you don’t like Amazon, maybe leave a rating or a review on Goodreads, or on Smashwords? Word-of-mouth advertising is all I have to work with in most cases, so if you read my work and it doesn’t make you gag to death, can you please help me out with a little ratings shout out? And if it does make you gag, but not to death, you too should write a review. Please.

September’s numbers were very low, but this has been the case with all my titles this month. It weird how most of the summer I did well during that time when I was expecting a slump, and then the summer ends, and then I hit a slump. I’m like the literary world’s walking paradox. I just…is there a rulebook I can consult for this? Or maybe some chart I can compare myself to to verify that other people end up with these same odd results?

I did make sales on a number of titles that I’m advertising, and I am grateful for those. I just hope I can do something with the next book release, A Perfectly Empty Vessel (Sin City #1), since it’s a Wendy Stoffel novel, it’s got a great custom cover, and font work by someone far more qualified than me. It was professionally edited by Lisa Boucher, who also handled editing duties on Redemption Lost and my short story Walking Home With Strangers. So this isn’t just my finest work. It’s combination of my work, the work of two artists, and one editor. The only thing I’m missing is a publicist. Damn.

Setting aside the new book’s pedigree, this is a good, fine novel, with many life lessons about friendship, doing the right thing, discovering old rivals, necromancy, and how to pack your own shotgun shells at home. There’s a bit of gore, a bit of violence, and a teensy hint of romance. (translation: nobody loses any clothing except for Cora, and she only loses a half a sleeve and the top layer of her forearm skin to a dark energy attack.)

A Perfectly Empty Vessel should go to the markets in the first week of October, and I’ll be selling it on Amazon too. I’m already selling Wendy’s first three books there, so it makes sense to see if past readers will come back for a fourth book after Jobe and Wendy have split up.

And since I’m talking about writing anyway. there’s still no sales on my bizarro story NINJAWORLD, and very few previews either. I know bizarro is an acquired taste, but I’ve tried to make a story that while visually bizarre does not stray too far off the beaten path for its allegorical underpinnings. At its heart, this is a story about an unlucky underdog becoming a hero on his new home world and learning all over again what an ugly thing racism can be. It’s got ninja octopodes and ant-like pirates and singing ninja mermaids, and it’s really a swell book if you’ll just give it a chance. Please?

I really need to invest in a set of kneepads. This cold tile floor leaves bruises, don’cha know.

All Maid Up 13

To recap, Ginger meets Kevin working as a replacement maid for his mother in episode one. In episode two, Ginger learns about Kevin’s bed reputation and decides they should be just friends. In episode three, Kevin tries to make good on his promise to be a friend by taking Ginger to the pool. Ginger meets Kevin’s sister Hannah, and one of Kevin’s cheerleader friends, Tonya. In episode four, Ginger molests a bear and breaks her arm. No, really. In episode five, Ginger’s best friends Aggie and Babs finally get wind of her coming out, and they demand a visit. In episode six, Ginger finds something that Kevin had been hiding from her.

In episode seven, Ginger attends her first day of high school with surprisingly little drama. But she and her friends are all still wary of the other shoe dropping. In episode eight, Ginger must start her first Gym class with an awkward introduction to her coaches and the other girls. And THEN the other shoe drops. In episode nine, Kevin swears there will be revenge for Ginger being attacked, and he makes good on his promise. In episode ten, Ginger and Kevin cut classes, and then Ginger returns to school to tryout for an extra-curricular activity. In episode eleven, Ginger’s new social status grants her access to the first party of the year. She just has to convince her parents first. Ginger attends her first party in episode twelve.

The party is still in full swing at the start of episode thirteen, but now party hostess Bunny has called for a round of party games, and Ginger gets roped in for a round of spin the bottle and seven in heaven by Bunny’s cousin, Mariah. But who would be willing to make out with her?

And now, All Maid Up 13, which is NSFW.

The Silence of the Dying

I read this article, and now the author of this piece, Sara, is gone. There’s not much in this post that she says that I haven’t ranted or rambled about before, so obviously I was nodding my head a lot. in particular, this passage struck my the hardest:

Let me discuss chronic illness for a moment. As a society we don’t tolerate it very well. Our collective attention span for someone who is ill lasts about two weeks. After that they’re on their own. From my own experience and talking to others with bad cancer or chronic illness, I’ve noticed a terrible trend. After a while, and only a relatively short while, people grow bored with you not getting any better and just drift off. Phone calls stop. Visits stop. Emails stop. People drop you off their Facebook news feed. Eyes glaze when you say you are still not feeling well. Who needs perpetual bad news?

This is an all too often common experience. I described once it to a psychologist, thinking myself very witty, as having all the lights in the house turned off one by one until you were in one dark room all alone; she said everyone described it like that. People withdraw, emotionally and physically. You suddenly find a great and cold space about you where once there was support. For me there has been a single person who has made the effort to keep in daily contact with me, to see how I am, how I am feeling, and listen uncomplainingly to my whining. She has been my lifeline. She also suffers from terrible cancer and its aftermath, and has endured the same distancing of her friends.

The end result is, of course, that the sick simply stop telling people how bad they feel. They repress all their physical and emotional pain, because they’ve got the message loud and clear.

Yup, I got the message loud and clear. Being chronically ill, I made my effort to get help from the government so I could work a part-time job. They had their doctor declare that even though I was handicapped, I was not sick enough to require help. But I’d been reduced from working a 60 hour schedule to 24 because my body was wearing out just trying to handle the basic tasks of being a projectionist. And people, being a projectionist is a job so easy that some old farts do it into their 70s. But I couldn’t hack it for 24 hours in four six hour shifts. So yes, I need help. But I was denied.

Reviewing for exposure? Think hard about this…

So the other day on Twitter, I see that some reviewer is announcing that they will be taking on self-published authors. But, the moment I look over their requirements, the one that sticks with me is “Must have at least one pro sale, be a member of one group like the SFWA at the pro level, or have completed an intensive writing course like at Clarion.”

Well, this isn’t looking for self-published authors, is it? No, it’s looking for pro writers who are dabbling in self-publishing. Or what the big guys like to call traitors. That no actual self-published writers have a chance for a review is spelled out in one sentence. So I made a comment in the comments field about how this wasn’t going to yield any new writers, and I remarked that the SFWA is notoriously anti-self-pub.

The blogger called my short cuss word-free paragraph a diatribe, and said reviewer then revealed that she is in fact a pro writer, and a member of the SFWA. In her attempt to defend the people in the organization as being not all the same, she also made it clear that she’s doing these reviews to help her exposure as a writer and to help her good friends who can’t find reviewers now that they’ve become traitors. She is not doing this to promote new titles or new self-published authors. Oh, she can say all day that she’s really trying to promote others, but she’s really just another writer who heard that reviews are a great way to stay in readers’ minds without chanting “buy my book” 24/7.

And, let me be clear: there are authors like Michele Lee who review for exposure and admit it. Michele’s reviews are generally balanced, covering the bad and good for every book. Michele doesn’t read from any one clique, nor does she have any guidelines meant to keep out writers of any level. She really will read just about anything, from a kids book on alien booger invasions to a non-fiction collection detailing the origins of monster legends. Compare her reading list and her standards with this other writer, and you see how one writer/reviewer is working with fair guidelines, while the other uses a one sentence standard to block out 98% of the same self-pubbed authors that she claims to want to review.

Now I could be a bitch and call out the author who is reviewing friends for exposure, but the fact is, I don’t care what chica does in her spare time. But I’m telling the rest of you straight up, if you want to review for exposure, great. If you want to write reviews for your pro friends who are dabbling in self-publishing, email them requests for their books. Do NOT put out a blog post advertising that you’re looking for self-published authors when you have no intention of taking in work from said group. And if you do, AND you leave open the comments, don’t fucking act shocked when someone comes along to point out what a toadying little bitch you are.

All Maid Up…10, 11, and 12

I offer my deepest apologies for getting behind on the updates here, but it just kept slipping my mind. First the copy pasta updates:

Ginger meets Kevin while working for his mother in episode one. In episode two, Ginger learns about Kevin’s reputation and confronts him. She decides they should be just friends. In episode three, Kevin tries to make good on his promise to be a friend by taking Ginger to the pool. Ginger meets Kevin’s sister Hannah, and one of Kevin’s cheerleader friends, Tonya. In episode four, Ginger molests a bear and breaks her arm. No, this really happens. In episode five, Ginger’s best friends Aggie and Babs finally get wind of her coming out, and they demand a visit. In episode six, Ginger finds something that Kevin had been hiding from her. When she didn’t flip out, Kevin still goes into ultra-apology mode.

In episode seven, Ginger attends her first day of high school with surprisingly little drama. But she and her friends are all still wary of the other shoe dropping. In episode eight, Ginger must start her first Gym class with an awkward introduction to her coaches and the other girls. And THEN the other shoe drops. In episode nine, Kevin swears there will be revenge for Ginger being attacked, and he makes good on his promise.

So now we get to the new stuff. First, in episode ten, Ginger and Kevin cut classes, and then Ginger returns to school to tryout for an extra-curricular activity. In episode eleven, Ginger’s new social status grants her access to the first party of the year. She just has to convince her parents first. And, in an episode that will surprise no one paying attention for at least the last paragraph, Ginger attends her first party in episode twelve.

For a story about nothing, I’m pleased by how well this is turning out. I want to say where I’m at in the story, but I don’t rightly know. But part of me thinks this is the halfway point for the book. This is not to say the muse doesn’t already have ideas for a sequel, which is kind of sad cause I haven’t even finished the first story.

Head shot means dead, assholes.

So last night hubby is telling me he wants me to look at a new game, Borderlands, and the short review made it look interesting because it used a style of 3D animation that outlines the characters in a more distinct and unique way. So given that my appetite is whet by this small sample, hubby pulls up an extended gameplay trailer, and I watch as a player zooms in on a random monster’s UNARMORED head and empties a fucking clip into it. There’s fucking hit points and the word CRITICAL! flashing over and over above the dude’s head like a Final Fantasy monster fight, and this wounded character turns SLOWLY and starts charging the shooter. I… (y_y)

Now look, there are only a few rules of reality that I ask for in a video game, and when a motherfucker’s only head protection is a fucking set of swim goggles, that motherfucker had better fall down when I put a bullet in his brain pan! Why? Because THE GOGGLES DO NOTHING. Even if that dude doesn’t fall with my first shot, me filling his face with lead ought to provoke some kind of physical reaction from said victim of my leet fucking accuracy. A roar, a hiss, or just “Ow, dude!” and a damned hand swipe over the face. Just, give me some method acting here!

This is bullshit enemy design and it’s lazy game making. The game lost my interest based off of this one gaping flaw in the enemies. You shoot and shot and shoot, and there’s no realistic reaction. No wounds, no blood, just lots of numbers and letters. No flinching from being shot, no prerecorded grunt from said wounded beastie. Nothing that might speak to realism. Fuck that shit.

And while I’m ranting on about video games, no game in recent memory besides Dead Island has built up my hopes with a trailer, only to suck with the delivery of its glowing reviews. The trailer promised a game to wrench your guts out and tear up your soul. And when the reviews came out, the first thing I saw was:

You need lots of cash to repair your favorite weapons…

and

If you can locate batteries and tape, you can make a wicked electric katana that delivers lightning damage!

What. The. Fuck. If you’re on a fucking zombified island making your own repairs to your degrading weapons, you don’t need cash. You need tools, and probably a sharpening wheel or a rotary drill with a polishing head. But this idea that you buy repairs from an abandoned supply closet is so phenomenally stupid that it hurts my ancestors’ brains when I think about it.

And no matter how big a battery you find, taping it to the side of your sword does not form blazing sword. What it does is form heavy motherfucker to carry. It might give the weapon more heft, but it should also drain your stamina with just two swings.

Oh, and on stamina, a gamer was showing the first forty minutes of gameplay, and she explained that she was kicking zombies to death because kicking didn’t deplete stamina like using a weapon did. Really. So the game is really just a sandbox with missions running on its own unique brand of idiot logic, and the “fun” is in giving myself carpal tunnel syndrome with three other people? Because it certainly can’t be for the lousy writing, the shitty acting, or the dead-eye muppet models in the cut scenes.

It just seems to me that what others are calling badass is in fact just ass.

Saturday ramble…

I have had a hell of a productive week, writing and posting an update for All Maid Up every day this week. The words were flowing so well that on Thursday, I wrote two episodes back to back and gave myself a bit of buffer. I’m going to lose that today by posting episode 11, But it’s okay. I never set this on a schedule, so there’s no pressure to get posts out. Just if I feel like writing, I’ll post.

Funny thing is, the muse is being sarcastic about the lack of my usual supernatural elements, and she keeps going, “And then at the end, we’ll reveal that Ginger is an adopted changeling.” Soooo funny.

But the folks who are reading the story seem to like it so far, even if it is a departure from my usual fare. I’m probably running a bit thin on the nicknames joke, but I don’t think any of the remaining bit characters have nicknames, and Bunny and Red were the last yahoos that I could wrangle out before the muse said, “Okay, we should stop while we’re ahead.”