About book releases…

Okay, first, lets’ talk about The Life and Death of a Sex Doll. It is currently available for order in print from the publisher direct, and it should be on Amazon’s virtual shelves within the next 6-8 days. I really wish I could be more precise, but this project is not mine to steer, and for once, I’m just the writer doing promos instead of all that publishing and polishing.

The ebooks should also be out in a few days, I hope. Again, I have no control over this, and as you might expect, a polite email to my publisher will take a week or two to bubble up through the others in the work pile. So probably by the time my editor is ready to answer, the ebooks could already be on the market. For this reason, I’m adopting a wait and see approach.

Second, let’s talk about Peter the Wolf. Wow, you folks have reacted to the promo. Every time I head to Facebook, someone sends me a PM or hits me up with a chat. A few of you sent emails or commented on the blogs here, and quite a lot of you have all asked the same question: Will Peter the Wolf be on Amazon or in the Kindle store?

A clarification about a past topic…

Today, it’s time to step out of promo mode and ramble about writerly stuff. See, recently, Evelyn Lafont and I have been going on about the same topic, but with entirely different interpretations. Now that I’ve read her blog summary of our debate, I realize that there’s something left unsaid that’s causing a lot of misunderstanding.

Here, let me quote Evelyn first from her post here: (In case you want to read the rest. It’s a good post, really.)

Zoe E.Whitten and I had a disagreement on Twitter last week over a post I wrote about what readers owe writers. Zoe and I talked, realized we weren’t going to change each others’ minds, and we moved on.

Okay, Evelyn’s article was about this topic, but it’s not what I’ve been talking about when I harass my readers. If Evelyn really thinks that what I’m doing is just begging for reviews for publicity, I’ve been an even bigger failure at communicating than I’d previously suspected. Evelyn’s interpretation of the topic makes it sound like a financial exchange between whore and client. I gave you the big roll with the happy finish, so you pay me and I go away. We will not speak of this again unless you want to buy something else, or unless I want to sell you something else.

Some of you may think of our relationship the same way. You’re the john, and once you’ve paid me for services rendered, I shouldn’t expect anything else from you. Which makes no sense. You asked me to court you long-term, and you asked me to give you full access to myself before you would consider looking at even one of my books. I’m no coy tease either. I’ve given you everything, every part of me. You folks on my blog have actually gotten deeper inside me than any lover ever will. But once I’ve got you to buy a book, you turn into a cold lover, ready to kick me out and move on to the next whore writer without so much as a “It was good for me, yeas.”

Writing has no one right path, and many writers are happy to take money from readers and let the relationship stop there. I’m not one of those writers, but I’m not one to point at others and whine, “You’re doing it wrong!” I just choose to work differently. It’s not that I want to be your best buddy and talk to you every day. I don’t want to try and sell you everything I’ve ever written either. As an artist, all I want from you is whatever reaction I can earn from you.

Bar Blogging: Agent Orange

Yes! After a long, long time, I’ve come up with a new drink recipe, and I need to start with a warning: You only need ONE. This drink, when mixed my way, results in a recipe that’s roughly 25% alcohol by volume per glass. I have had HALF a glass, and I can confirm, this has some kick. It is also tasty, but by the third sip, I really have a hard time noticing anything besides the kick, which is strange because I can’t taste ANY alcohol.

The combination of ingredients is short: Bitter apertif, dark rum, tonic, lemon juice, and raspberry syrup.The bitter appertif is a bitter orange liquor with a reddish appearance. You can use Aperol or Campari Red, or even a generic brand. It has 11% alcohol by volume, so you could cut the booziness of this by substituting Campari Soda or Aperol Soda. In any case, this is what gives the drink its sweet and bitter base, and the other ingredients all play second fiddle in complementary ways.

In a 14 oz glass, I added ice, 1 oz of apertif, 1 oz of dark rum, a few drops of lemon juice, and a small splash of raspberry syrup. The raspberry sweetness blends with the bitter apertif and the sour lemon, and the rum and tonic lends this a citrus flavor similar to an orange Popsicle.

I’ve only mixed this once, and I imagine I’ll have to drink these REAL slow. I don’t advise chugging this, that’s for sure.

Thanks to Andrew Wolter for giving this drink recipe its name. You’ve been a secondary muse lately. =^)

Something short and personal…

This Sunday, I found a lump in my left breast. It is small, and, as I check myself frequently, it is very, very new. Now I am on hormones, (estrogen and progesterone) and sometimes small lumps develop during the growth process. So this might be okay and there’s no harm in it being there. Still, I prefer to be on the safe side, because a lump this sudden could have also been a blood clot, and those are deadly. If they don’t end up in your heart and cause a blockage (instant death), they end up in a lung and make you drown in foamy blood. (ditto, but actually worse than option A.)

I went to the doctor yesterday, and he prodded around my underarm and breast, but he’s satisfied the lump is not a blood clot, and is not life threatening. He’s set me up for an appointment to have a breast exam and chest X-ray, so we’ll see how it goes. For now, I intend to treat it as a possible side effect of my growing chest, which is itself an interesting side effect of transitioning. Long after I think I’m “done” my body is till going through changes, and part of that growth is in my chest. Which is great, because clearly I can’t coast through life on my spectacular ass.

But if I can be serious for a moment, ladies, men, reach up right now, and touch your chest. Rub yourself down firmly, and really get to know the shape of yourself. Maybe you don’t have a lump now. But if you do a little self check now and then, you’ll know what your chest should feel like, and you will know right way when you feel something that shouldn’t be there.

Men, pleas,e take this seriously. You can get breast cancer too, even if you do have D cup moobs. Maybe it makes you feel weird to roll around your chest, but this really is important. I’m telling you, I check chest once a week, at least, and this lump came out of nowhere.

Ladies, men, check your chests. Do it now, and then do it frequently. If you do this, you increase the chances of early detection, and you make your treatment option much more diverse. So please, humor a crazy old lady, and touch yourself.

Now think of me naked. What are you wearing? Hehe. Okay, I’ll shut up now.

The Life and Death of a Sex Doll is available!

Yayzor! My first book published for really real! ^_^ Head on over to the Belfire Press site, where you can order copies of my book in print or ebook formats. The book will soon be up on Amazon, in the Kindle store, in the Nook store, and in Smashwords under the Belfire Press imprint. (So don’t go looking for it on my Smashwords bookshelf or you’ll just confuse yourself.)

Expect to see more fun with Sensu-Doll training materials, and possibly a giveaway sometime in the next month. (Gotta wait till my giveaway copies arrive so I can sign them.) There’s only 9 print editions sold at this point, so there are plenty of hard copies left of you prefer books to be inky and pulpy. But if you prefer didtial books, the ebook will save you quite a few dollars off the cover price. Either way is good for me.

Okay, now I just have to sort out how to find new people to annoy, so I’m not always annoying my regular readers. =^/

Teaser trailer

I was gonna embed the trailer, but for some reason, the embedded videos mess up and push into the links on the side bar. This makes me a sad Panda. But anyway, here is the link to check out a teaser trailer for Peter:

http://youtu.be/EGgYXb-JMhA

I love this song, and it screamed to me, “I am Peter’s theme!”

Psyche Profile: Naomi Lupita

Prison location: (redacted)
Inmate #: (redacted)
Inmate intake profile overseen by: Michael Grant
Date of intake: (redacted)
Date of interview: (redacted)

Inmate has been at the facility for six days and has already fostered a sentiment of aggression among other inmates. When provoked, inmate displays high levels of aggression, and has already hospitalized five other inmates with severe bites. (in the most severe instance, a bitten inmate lost two fingers on her right hand.) The inmate has shown a tendency to snap and snarl even after having been restrained and sedated heavily.

First session interview:

MG: Naomi, I’m–
NL: You’re a quack.
MG: I’m Dr. Grant. My job is to evaluate you and determine if you should be placed in high security or isolation.
NL: (laughs) Okay.
MG: Do you understand why you’re here?
NL: Of course.
MG: Why don’t you tell me why you’re here?
NL: No, you tell me.
MG: Your son turned you in after you allowed a client to murder his sister.
NL: If you say so.
MG: There was ample evidence at your trial. Are you trying to claim you’re innocent?
NL: (laughs, louder) No, I’m no little lamb.
MG: So you admit your crime?
NL: What crime? I was just the camerawoman.
MG: (after long pause) Are you placing the blame on your husband?
NL: (Voice very hard) He was never my husband. I just fucked him for the roof over our head.
MG: You let him abuse your children.
NL: Of course.
MG: You don’t care?
NL: Why should I?
MG: They’re your children.
NL: They’re bastard pups, the result of a rape when I was thirteen. My family said it was my fault. Said I was asking for it. So they disowned me. Lars found me, and…all he wanted was the kids, he said, but once I moved in, he made me…
MG: (After long delay) Why didn’t you leave him?
NL: You’re a very stupid man. This conversation is over.

All subsequent attempts to communicate have resulted in complete silence. Given the inmate’s high aggression and complete lack of remorse for her crimes, it is advisable to keep inmate in high security with limited contact with other inmates. While the inmate is classified as a sexual predator, she is capable of exploding into violence if given any opportunity to attack.

Sensu-Doll FAQ Pg 5

What options are available to customize my companion?
There are no limits! Sensu-Dolls can be configured in every range of skin tone and body type; pale alabaster to deep ebony; and waif-thin to “generously padded.” We can make a doll with any hair color and style, natural or not, and any iris color/pattern as well.
But, this kind of custom work is VERY expensive, which is why most of our customers opt for one of the dolls from our prefabricated lines. So someone looking for a short and petite companion might look at the 4-foot 6-inch Asian Annie model, while someone looking for a tall and thick companion might try the 5-foot 5-inch Healthy Helga. And people looking for something in between may find the sweet spot with our 5-foot German Goldilocks model.

But these options still feel too limiting. Can I customize my companion myself?
Of course! In fact, there is an active online community of Sensu-Doll “modders” who make a hobby of creating exotic fantasy looks for their companions. Many have made elves with modifications to the face and ears, or with complete changes of the outer skin for exotic skin tones like light grey or frost white. And then there are “nekos,” which are made by affixing cybernetic tails and ears to the companions. In some cases, neko modders even went so far as to make new iris covers with elongated slits instead of round pupils. So just with these examples, it’s clear the only limit for your companion’s appearance is your own imagination.
However, be aware that any modifications made to the hardware or software will invalidate your warranty. This is not to say Sensu-Doll Corp. will not service your custom companion. We will help to repair any Sensu-Doll to our customer’s satisfaction, but for custom companions, we must charge for out of warranty work. This includes the cost of parts and the engineer’s hourly fee.

How long can my companion “live?”
This depends greatly on the options you choose for your companion, and upon you, the owner. Many companions often have equipment malfunctions around 4-6 years, but if repaired, these same companions could have a useful service life of up to 20 years. Whether your companion has a long “life” is entirely up to you, but most owners who experience a mechanical failure of their companion opt for repairs. We’re fairly confident that after you’ve owned a Sensu-Doll for a while, you’ll feel the same way.

FBI Training Film Script – Lycanthropes and You Pt 2: How Not to Get Eaten

Agent A enters kitchen and hears growl. AA spins to look at kitchen island bar just as a wolf jumps onto the counter. AA crouches, and raises his hands.

AA: (Sounds scared) N-nice doggie.

The wolf leaps and begins mauling AA.

AA: Aaieee!

Agent B walks into foreground while the attack is ongoing. Agent B clasps his hands behind his back, looking appropriately grim.

AB: This, (gestures back) is a classic rookie mistake.

AA: Ow! Fucking shoot it! Gah!

AB: First of all, the agent entered the room unarmed.

AA: Aaaargh!

AB: (wags finger) Never enter a room without drawing your sidearm first.

AA: So where’s–gah! Your–yah! Gun, assho–oooh, Christ that stung!

AB: But, he also attempted to reason with an enraged lycanthrope.

AA: You’re monologuing my death scene? You dir-huuuurrrr!

AB: Had the agent at least drawn his weapon–

AA: I’d bust a cap in your monologuing–!

(Scene ends)

Sensu-Doll Manual, Pg 20

above all else, don’t panic. Call emergency services and request a companion extraction. But this situation can be avoided if the companion’s minimum battery level is 15% before copulation occurs. And remember: if in doubt, recharge first. You don’t want to let a low charge ruin the mood, do you?

Refilling/Changing Lubricant
Your companion will need to refilled with liquid silicon lubricant once a week with normal sexual activity, and may need refills as often as three times per week for an “active” sexual lifestyle where copulation occurs more than once per day.

Additionally, you must perform a complete change of the companion’s lubricant once every six months. This insures that the lubricant is clean and free from debris which might clog the companion’s lubricant jets.

Depending on your model, you may find two methods for eliminating or voiding your doll. For the ultra deluxe models, which are considered “hot swappable,” simply instruct the doll to enter maintenance mode. The companion will need an empty receptacle to regurgitate the fluids into.

Note: Be sure you have at least two quarts of clean lubricant on hand before requesting a companion to enter maintenance mode. Without the liquid lubricant circulating through their limbs, the companion cannot move without risking severe heat damage in their joint motors.

On standard deluxe companions, the owner must shut down the companion using the remote stylus to perform the recycling operation manually. This is done using the tool end of the stylus, and the maintenance flap can be accessed by inserting the stylus in

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Find out what happens next by picking up The Life and Death of a Sex Doll on Smashwords (use coupon code SSW25 for a 25% discount), the Kindle store, or in Amazon’s books section in a limited print edition.