A new book and other stuff…

So, the blog has been a bit quiet, as you might expect. Weather shifting is making unstable Zoe highly unstable, and I’m keeping to myself to avoid spreading the misery. I keep myself distracted from my emotions with Portal 2 for now. When I’m not distracted or drugged, I go from happy to angry to depressed in cycles so fast, I’m not even sure what’s going on. I just need stable weather to stabilize, but we still don’t have it. We get warm weather for a day or two, and then back to cold for the rest of the week.

But despite my crappy mood swings and constant sense of distraction, I worked a few hours per day to convert Haunting Sins for Smashwords. I uploaded it like 2 days ago, but I was in the processing queue for a long, long time. Like, I started out at something like 3,858. Yeesh. But okay, so now the ebook is online, and being a novella of 32K, I felt $1.99 was a relatively fair price. Already some people have bought copies (and thanks very much for that!), so it seems like the price isn’t too steep. I did clean it up a bit and get rid of a few more typos in this pass, including one scene where David suddenly becomes Daniel for one line. (Daniel’s story was actually written one year before, but I was editing the second draft for Books of Daniel while writing Haunting Sins…so, had a brain fart.) Oh, as Haunting Sins is up on Smashwords now, I must take it down from the blog. Just FYI.

In other sales news, someone bought five of my Mystical World Wars books and a copy of The Sole Survivors’ Club. So, thank you very much to whoever bought those books. And to the folks who bought copies of Haunting Sins as soon as it was released. You rock! (^_^)

Updates and stuff…

I’ve been quiet this week for two reasons. First, I had a paid editing job that required most of my brain cells to unscramble. At the same time, Portal 2 dropped. Anybody following me on Twitter knows that I’m a Portal addict, and I play the first game about once a month, sometimes twice if the muse hadn’t grabbed me too firmly during that particular month.

Well Portal 2 is three times longer than Portal, and I never wanted it to end. Everything I loved is still in there, but they’ve added a long, long history for you to work through, and the older experiments are full of “new” compounds that either assist your jumps, your run speed, or your portal placement. It may sound complicated, but every concept is laid out in an easier first lesson before the puzzles get progressively more complex. Later levels are…VAST. HUGE. Just eye pooping graphics everywhere, and this time around you get three “narrators.” GlaDOS makes up one familiar voice, but she’s joined by a “corrupt core” named Wheatley, and by the prerecorded messages of Aperture Labs founder Cave Johnson. (Who is funny in a very, very morbid way. No, even more morbid than GlaDOS.)

But when you get to the Cave Johnson portion, GlaDOS undergoes some personality changes that I really, really loved. I won’t spoil it for anyone, but because of that part of the game, the ending made me sad because of GlaDOS. No really, the murderous AI I killed in the first game has my sympathy at the end of this second game. And that is the mark of some great game writing. There were some little unrealistic niggles I had with the ending. (If you get hit by a direct bomb blast from the villain, you shouldn’t be able to hear him gloat a moment later, even if you don’t die. The blast would deafen you.) But it is a video game, and the problem here is consistent throughout the game. And since the game is so gosh-darned fun, I’m not going to detract from it for a niggling minor detail.

So I give Portal 2 an enthusiastic 5 stars, and I recommend it to everyone who likes fun. I’ll even recommend it for people who don’t like fun, because the cynical humor will make your miserable old asses laugh. Seriously, go buy this game. You’ll thank me for it.

Preorders, orders, chords, and musical concept novels…

You might get the impression that I had nothing to ramble over the last few days. Not so. I have sat down to write blog posts, but after playing with them through a few revisions, I’d come to the conclusion that they were too random and unfocused to publish. I blame the Vicks sinus medication, but need them to breathe, so there you go. Rather then start over, I figured I’d let that stuff go and concentrate on other stuff until I had a shorter ramble to offer.

I want to talk about the guitar first, but I need to cover something more important above the cut: Belfire Press is taking preorders on my duel sci-fi novellas, The Life and Death of a Sex Doll. The print edition is limited to 100 copies, though there will also be ebooks available. This duel novella release features my sci-fi story Adopting a Sex Doll, but with new material added after the book was pulled from my site at the request of Belfire’s lead editor, Jodi Lee. While they worked on other titles, I was able to write a sequel, When a Sex Doll Dies, and I submitted it as a separate project. It was accepted too, and the editors of Belfire decided to publish both stories together.

If you’ve been reluctant to read my horror or dark fantasy titles, this pair of light-hearted sci-fi titles are probably a better story for you to check out. In this story, the year is 2028, and Kelly Braun is a single Internet stock broker incapable of having children. She’s unable to adopt either, so she opts to relieve her loneliness by getting a Sensu-Doll, a robotic companion intended for erotic adventures. But Kelly modifies her new sex doll with a childlike appearance, and then codes her expensive toy with new personality modules. Kelly wants to use Ashley Braun in a sophisticated game of house, but the doll’s core functions often make playing the game awkward or embarrassing. As Ashley continues to grow, taking on more of her creator’s traits and growing willpower, the game becomes her daily life. A sci-fi coming of age story, Adopting a Sex Doll and When a Sex Doll Dies follow the development of an artificial family and explores what it means to be a parent, even if one’s child isn’t real.

My weekend ramble…

My sleep schedule is so messed up…I’m going to bed at 10 PM and waking up at 6 AM. Which sounds normal to y’all, but my normal sleep times are 3-4 AM to 11 AM-1 PM. And I don’t care who you are, waking up at 6 AM is just fucking unnatural.

First update for the weekend edition is, Sandy Morrison and the Pack of Pussies sold copies! And thank goodness for that, because I really did not want to spend this weekend drinking heavily and crying about how nobody loves me. Instead, I can drink heavily and cry about how ALMOST nobody loves me. Very important distinction, believe me.

I remain hopeful that since Sandy’s story is my first true YA fantasy novel, more people will give it a chance for it not being as graphic, dark or sexual as my other dark fantasy stories. I had one teen beta reader on this, and she really loved the book. So hopefully my readers will agree with her, and the incoming reviews will be gushing squees. Maybe a fight will break out between Team Witch, and Team Cat. Maybe readers will start a Sandy Morrison appreciation society…and maybe I’ll get 7 sales in opening month and have to increase my crack smoking habits by two extra rocks.

A correction to the hostage situation, and another TL;DR ramble…

Right, before I get to the TL;DR ramble, I need to issue an important correction. I said in my last post that I wanted to see 20 sales on Sandy Morrison and the Pack of Pussies before Saturday, April 8. This is wrong for two reason, not the least of which is that Saturday is the NINTH of April. (y_-) It’s also wrong because I’m not doing as much promotion these days. My goal would be a stretch even if I hustled 24 hours straight. But I’m not doing 14 hours of promotion now, or even 4, so my promotions need more time to reach readers.

BUT, even if I could convince all my readers to buy on the same day, 20 sales by the 9th is going to be…problematic. It’s not fair as an incentive either. “Here’s the offer!” *SWOOSH!* “Too late! Hahahaha!” Just…no, too evil. Thus, readers have until Saturday, April 23rd to help me come up with 20 sales. If I still can’t get 20 by the 23rd, then the Mendoza’s are going away until September.Okay, no, wait…May, June… YES! September!

This brings me to today’s rambly topic, although I’ll try to contain this to 4 pages. Anything past 5 will be ignored anyway, right? In essence, I want to make my pitch to you to be a critical reader of my work instead of a casual reader. Please note that there is nothing wrong with casual readers, in theory. But for an amateur like me, too many casual readers means guaranteed stagnation and obscurity. Casual readers have no vested interest in my success or even in my continued progress on any one series. Thus, they feel no need to help me improve, nor do they wish to help promote the work to other readers. If every series I launch succeeds, they don’t care. If every series I launch fails, they still don’t care.

The thing is, the online experts predicted this right from the start. Free readers do not chip in money. They do not help promote the work. Being blunt, free readers are entitled cheapskates who think that just paying for Internet access entitles them to be entertained. Like cable TV. Even Stephen Fuc-King (Genius) could not make an online serial pay, though he could pick up plenty of free readers. (I didn’t find this out until 2 months ago. I was so depressed when I realized how long I’d been running a fool’s errand.)

My first YA in the little leagues, and I’m holding a hostage…

Yes, despite losing my mind and walking off the job, I still have a HUGE back catalog to move to Smashwords. The “try before you buy” model was an abject failure, so now I’m attempting the “buy before you try” model. I realize this may be met with some resistance. So I’m taking a hostage.

So, first, this is Sandy Morrison and the Pack of Pussies. It’s a YA adventure story about a secret war between witches and werecats. While it is not really a romance, there are some romantic elements to the story. There’s also some violence, the occasional bit of necking and heavy petting, some drug use is mentioned at a party, and there’s some coarse language to be aware of. In short, some parental guidance might not be a bad idea.

Also, kids, you probably should wait a year or two after you hit the legal drinking age before you read my other stories. I’m not advocating alcoholism. No! No, not at all! I’m just sayin’, some of my stuff makes more sense after you’re drunk, is all. (>.>)

But all right, some of you are like “I don’t know, Zoe. I don’t like the looks of Smashwords.”

Well, take a look at this other YA story I did, Eddie’s First Circus. Or you can’t really see it right now. But it’s an awesome short story about a little boy who can talk to animals, and his frantic older brother’s efforts to get Eddie back under control before someone finds out about his powers. And of course Jessie Mendoza also has to come to terms with his own developing powers and keep a few steps ahead of some really bad guys in a white van. All while trying to impress his next door neighbor, Alice. For a short story character to accomplish all this, you know Jessie’s gotta be a special kid.

This story COULD be released on Smashwords for free for four months, just like Stark Raving Bonkers was released for free. And, being a proud Zoe in the Fiction Liberation Front, I totally want to give you this story for free as an incentive for buying copies of Sandy’s book. So you COULD get two awesome YA stories this week from me, if you can meet a teeny tiny, eensie weensy goal: I want 20 sales before midnight of Saturday April 8th. (So, when the clock strikes Sunday in my neck of the wood, time’s up.) If this goal can be met, the kids go free for four months, after which, they will be sold for 0.99 cents. BUT if this goal cannot be made, those poor kids will be locked in a cold dark hard drive for no less than four months, after which time they shall be sold for $1.99.

WHAT?! (O_0) SO UNFAIR! It is, totally, and I want to be nice to you and let you pay a lower price for this story. But I also want 20 people to buy Sandy’s book and make this a happy release weekend for me. If I sell five books…actually I can live with that. Or two books, now that I think about it. But rules is rules, and ransoms don’t hold no meaning if I don’t act tough. Grrr.

Right, so there it is. You can help make this a happy go lucky weekend, or you can lock two neglected Hispanic children in a dark and dreary place for four months. You aren’t really that kind of heartless, soulless baby abuser, are you?

Please, don’t be evil. Buy Sandy’s book, and do it, for the children.

More updates and clarifications…

On April 5th, the most common comment made to me in private was “I thought you were joking!” No, that’s April 1st, and I made sure to make my announcement on the 3rd, one day before my birthday. (and, had that been a prank, it would have shown that I have a shitty sense of humor.) The birthday itself wasn’t bad, and the day after, I dismantled the whole sales machine in about an hour. The web sites are gone, and by now, Amazon should have taken down all of my books. So if y’all thought that was a cheap ploy for attention to get more sales at Amazon, bang goes that theory too.

Looking at pingbacks, I note how some of you think I told all readers to fuck off. No. Some of you also think I’m mad because you never gave me a chance. No. If you never came to my blog until you heard that I told the world to fuck off, you don’t qualify for the label “my readers,” do you? No. That would be a specific label, which implies you had come to my site, picked out something that interested you, and then started reading. That is the only definition one can possibly take from “my readers,” but almost all reporting parties chose to omit “my,” which makes the story more sensational than it really is.

If you look at my genre, dark fiction, and decide I’m not for you, I’m cool with you. If you made it past the genre, but decided you didn’t like the covers, or the blurbs, I’m cool with you. And if you read a free preview and decided not to keep reading, I’m cool with you. Because you have decided not to be one of my readers.

A few of my readers didn’t get included either, but they know who they are. The readers who got omitted from the “Great Fuck-off of ‘11” are the people who put a link to my site on their blog, or who listed my blog in their blogroll. They posted a link to my latest book, or they left a rating on Smashwords or Amazon, or on WFG, or Muse’s Success. They clicked the stars and left a rating on posts or sent me an email to say, “I finished this story, so here’s what I thought.” I never said support had to be sales, but a lot of these people also bought books too. Looking back at the last year, it was these kinds of readers who kept me going. They deserved a real apology for me backing out of the market, and I gave it to them.

Retirement: Day one

Today marks the first day of my second retirement. Having already retired from work once after my multiple sclerosis symptoms made manual labor too painful, it isn’t so scary deciding to retire the second time around. Plus, it gives me a chance to pursue something else I’ve always been meaning to learn. The new guitar was a special order, what with me being left handed, so my gift is coming in 2-3 weeks. I’ve already picked out all my other items; strings, picks, and a strap. The shop had a lot of uber-manly black straps with scowling skulls. But right in the middle of those was a black strap with white skulls wearing pink bows. And that is so me right now. Punk kitten. Guh-er.

And so today was my first day of retirement, but also? Happy birthday to me! 36 and a yeee! 36? Yes, really. And how did I celebrate? With spring cleaning and some gardening. Yeah, after ending my “career” of sitting on my ass all day and writing, I got up and spent the day working around the house. Gardening is a bit of a joke. We have weeds growing in the pots of our dead plants from last year. So I’m watering the weeds to see if I can at least keep them alive during the Summer. If it fails, eh, they were just weeds. I’m also watching over a new basil plant, which hubby almost totally killed. So for now, my schedule offline is: clean house, language studies with hubby, gaming or reading, and online time chatting with friends.

I pulled all my ebooks from Amazon, Mobipocket, and all of the affiliates related to Smashwords. The ATP site will be next on my list to take down, and then the main web site. Dismantling things was actually easier than I would have suspected. Figures that it’s easier to pick up my shit and go home than it was to put it up in the first place.

After I get the guitar, lessons with it will take up more of my time. Once I’ve got enough skill to play songs without cringing at myself, I may get a new digital camera and start posting songs on YouTube. Or maybe I won’t. I was telling hubby that one of the great things about a guitar is, completing a flawless performance of Eruption is a reward in itself. One doesn’t need a financial or feedback reward to feel good about the achievement. I can play with myself and still feel good about it.

One final note. While today, the feedback from most writers has been fantastic, some people interpreted my message in condensed form as “You don’t appreciate my genius.” No, doucherocket, my message condensed is “No job is worth $30 a month for 14-18 hour days, 6 days a week.” But I made the mistake of mentioning my IQ in the same six page document as I commented about my writing. So any self-centered twat skimming my TL;DR post for talking points is likely to come away with the wrong message. Your bad, and you’re still a sour cunt. Fuck you, fuck your catty speshul snowflake friends, and no, I wouldn’t have read your lousy fucking books either, bitch.

And finally, some of you thought after I said “Fuck you and there’s the door,” that I would let you make a speech before you walked out. No. First of all, if you’re showing up to bust my chops, but you never heard of me until now, you’re fucking stupid. I just retired. I don’t give a fuck if my pissing on your desk offended you. But keep talking, asshole. I think I feel a shit coming on.

And if you never read anything of mine until that post, that fuck you screed wasn’t even aimed at you. But you’ll jump in the path of my silent readers and take that fuck you, so you can puff up and get indignant. How dare I, a crippled stay-at-home author, ask my readers to support me with a rating or a review? Why, the nerve! The audacity of a true starving artist with a chronic illness asking for verbal support! Next, I might have even gotten uppity and asked for financial support!

No. You indignant strangers do not get a speech after my retirement either. If you never read me, and you’re only here now to see the train wreck, sorry guys, you already missed it. All you get to see is my closing statement: you people are the reason the libraries are closing, why the bookstores are failing, and why only the top 5% of writers earn a decent living. Because the only time you can be bothered to speak up is right after someone tells you to fuck off. But otherwise, you remain complacent as you watch other people sink in financial quicksand. Now you’re offended because I gave you the finger on my way out the door? Ha, and fuck you too.

And from now on, this blog will be about book reviews, booze, guitars, and occasionally, my unnatural obsession with teenage breasts. There will be no comments allowed, and I don’t give a fuck what rating my posts get. Your opinions matter to creative professionals. While I am creative, I don’t earn enough money to give a fuck what any of you people think.

One last time, with feeling. Fuck you, sloth, and there’s the door.

The Long, Slow Goodbye. (Or the meltdown resignation)

Four years ago, I started an experiment and self-published my first story through Lulu. It was full of typos and first-time mistakes, and ever since then I’ve strived to put together a better book. In those four years, I have reached the point where my self-published books were as good as the pro books, and in some cases, mine were even better. I made tables of contents for mine, and lots of pros didn’t bother. I revised my ebooks when I found mistakes, or when readers did, and the pros fire and forget every product, every time. I’m not saying they should go back and fix every little thing. I’m saying I worked harder than the pros would. I committed myself to give people the best product I could, even fixing stories long after they were released.

I was doing this for fun, but over time, I’ve invested more and more of my energy and money into convincing readers to check my stuff out. At times, my free downloads were doing so great, I assumed soon I would see lots of reviews. But other writers explained in their blog posts how people who read stuff for free don’t feel any obligation to lend support. Free readers have to be bribed to offer support. This went against everything I feel passionate about. I’m a vocal supporter of writers, but also of musicians and visual artists. I’m a vocal and passionate person, and I want to believe that deep down, everyone can be just as passionate if I could just find the right message to stir them to feel something.

But you know what? In four years, no one ever proved me right. I have some fans who are just as passionate, but those people are other writers. It’s not that my works fired their passion. They already had passion. They saw my drive and energy, and they wanted to help me achieve my goals. If I make nothing else clear in this TL;DR post, I want to make it clear how much I love and appreciate those communities of writers. Pro, semi-pro, or amateur, you folks are all right, and I never, NEVER want to resent you for having success.