My Win-Win Afterlife Policy

While eating lunch with my sister-in-law, Mili, I explained to her my beliefs about the afterlife, which can be summed up like this:

I don’t really know who’s right or wrong, but if we have to deal with any afterlife besides reincarnation, there is a chance that there’s something to the line “judge not lest ye be judged seven times over.” Now for me, this is a warning to people not to wish that everyone you dislike burns in hell, because then you will too. But the fire will either last seven times longer, or if you wished for an eternity of burning, the fire will be seven times hotter, multiplied by the number of people you wished would burn in hell.

On the Complicated Topic of Love…

You can blame this bit of sentimental twaddle on Jodi Lee, who in turn was inspired by another writer to talk about what love is, and if there is love at first sight. Jodi’s post on the topic is here, if you’re curious.

I’m not a love at first sight kind of person. I believe in the idea, sure. But due to my bisexuality, I’m more often a victim of emotional attraction at first sight. Physical attraction occurs only after there’s the potential for sex in a relationship.

Part of my problem is, I often get attracted to people who I shouldn’t be attempting a relationship with. Even a casual friendship is dangerous, because there’s more chances for attraction to become love, and then I stop thinking. You might not see a problem, but imagine falling in love with someone of the same sex who’s straight. Then it becomes a bit more clear.

Book Review: The Double-D Avenger

It’s no secret that when any book is made into a movie, the film is going to blow if you’ve read the book first. But, is it possible that a film made into a novel could actually be better than the movie? I think so, and as proof, I offer Jerrod Balzer’s novelization of a William Winckler screenplay, The Double-D Avenger.

Released through Skullvines Press, this comedy of Double-D proportions is about Chastity Knott, a woman who runs the most successful pub in town. But after a breast exam reveals that she has cancer, she closes up shop to travel to South America in search of an erotic cousin of the banana that has magical healing properties. But that’s not all it does, as Chastity soon learns that she has superpowers thanks to the Crockazilla plant.

Explosive

The explosion came unexpectedly, like all her other episodes. She lay sleeping on the couch, pulled into a dreamless black fog, when the wind passing through the open windows slammed the living room door.

What woke up first was the frightened animal, not the human being. The animal saw the shut door and started to hiss, sucking in air and exhaling with equal force.

Striding across the room it yanked the door handle only to discover that it wouldn’t work. The stuck door was the final straw, and the animal began throw things around the room while it fumed.

Thoughts on Blind Rage…

We’re not far from the end of Zombie Punter, so it’s time to start whetting your appetite for  the next online story, Blind Rage. We’re returning to the Mystical World Wars series for a look at the creation of the first werekin pack on Earth.

Set in 1997, the story follows former serial bomber Jobe McKenzie and FBI agent Gavin Lebowitz in their first case together sanctioned by the FBI. Following the events in the Campaign trilogy, Jobe has confessed his past to Gavin’s supervisor, Gary Wagner. To avoid going to prison for life, Jobe agrees to living with Gavin as his handler. He also must consent to stay on medication in an effort to contain his insanity. The medication renders Jobe into an husk devoid of personality, and filled with nothing but regrets over his past.

But upon the arrival of the orc-werebear, first seen in Erick’s Journey, Jobe loses control of his mind and takes a back seat to his berserker. This isn’t just a swap of personalities, as Jobe’s body begins to swell in the vicinity of anyone with the werekin curse. The problem is, Gavin soon becomes infected, and Jobe is no longer in control of his body.

Yes, I have failed, thank you.

Heh, that title is a reference from Cool World, in case you’re wondering.

But here’s the thing. Last night, I uploaded all of the new files in the book details folder, and I uploaded the new bigger cover graphics for the photo albums folder. But you know what I forgot? The book files in the e-books folder. Oy. The shame. I actually botched my own book release. (  *- . -)

But okay, for really real this time, you can find Little Monsters right here.

Oh, and Zombie Punter is being featured at the Web Fiction Guide, so I would deeply appreciate it if folks would go over to rate the story, or recommend it, or post a review. (Or get REALLY wacky and do all 3!) Someone has already given it a 4 star rating, so whoever did that, thanks! You’ve put a goofy smile on my face that should last for most of today. ^_^

Little Monsters is on the loose!

Little Monsters is done. You can pick up copies of my first tragic fantasy here for free, or you can buy a copy for 0.99 from the Amazon Kindle and Mobipocket stores. Given the huge size of this novel, I recommend the “try before you buy” approach.

A note on my improving talents as an ASCII arteest

Like most ASCII arteests, I started out on the sideways palette with simple emoticons like : ) and : p . I never liked this plain, noseless look and soon I added the caret nose (Note that brilliant pun) to make :^) . I then altered my style radically from convention to use = for eyes, and my career really began to take off with successes like =^D , =^p , and the ever popular =^o .

While people were just struggling to adopt these new characters into their emoticon lingo, I was already looking at new ways to use the slash. Most people were using it for a mouth, but it was me who came up with the use of the slash to make an eyebrow ridge like \=^) . I further experimented with a logic pipe to produce the “dead serious” look, |=^\ .

Cover Art for Little Monsters

I’ve been waiting a very long time to unveil this cover:

Cover art for Little Monsters

Just a few more days, and then this 207K monster-sized e-book will be released on my web site! It will be followed with releases on Amazon and several other e-book vendors, like I did with Blood Relations.

So consider this your early invitation into the Collins family, a dysfunctional clan made up of abusers, victims and adopted misfits. There’s always room for one more misfit in this family, and all they ask in return is your silence as you bear witness to their every crime and calamity.

The Collins family welcomes you with open arms. Are you in?

Upcoming e-book releases…

This is a list of my upcoming e-book and serialized fiction releases, along with brief descriptions for each story. So it is a bit of a long post.

The list begins after the cut.